Lights Between the Cracks

Today begins a new chapter in my life: A re-emergence of sorts into completing my education. I've waited two long years to make this finally happen again. Lot's of changes I needed to make of myself in order to make sure that this second chance I had back into school would finish with impeccable results. I wallowed away for years, being lazy and unmotivated, to get the job done. By now, I could easily be going for my Master's Degree somewhere out there.

Now as I've begun the descent into continuing my education here in San Francisco, I am now hit with the roadblock that will seemingly never go away: Permanence. That's all I've been trying to establish this entire time of having moved into the city. I've lived in hostels, stayed with friends, but the one thing that I'm trying to see happen is a place for me to simply open a door, put my bag down, take two steps then quickly turn around, and let myself go...Let myself go and fall back onto a bed.

Most people for so long grow so comfortable with where they are that they stay right where they are, because it's comfortable and doing otherwise would negate the process. But I've noticed as time went on in my own experience, I saw the foundation I had already made for myself start to chip away, or crack, leaving me uneven of sorts. I wouldn't say I've started learning about the struggles of life on your own just today, it's been going on since I first stepped foot off the plane in San Francisco International Airport.

I've begin to imagine and realize the potential I have in my heart and my mind. I understand that certain sacrifices will need to be made, and I also made peace with the fact that not everything will go my way from the get-go. What I KNOW I can make happen is my desire and work ethic to get to where I want to be despite the setbacks that have presented before me this morning. I want to conquer every facet of my being, and this so called "setback" I've encountered once again will go by the wayside soon enough.

I have too much motivation and hunger to NOT make this happen. You see, when you've failed as much as I have already, you begin to understand that things can't get any worse. You notice more solutions to get by and make it right this time around. So for me, I've learned to adapt to change very well and utilize what I've learned to get from A to B a lot quicker than others.

Now as I start school today and begin my first semester in over 900 days, I take the time to remember where I began to where I am right now. I'm in a good place, or good frame of mind, to continue on and achieve success. For the greatest abilities we have to offer to mankind aren't by means of skill, but by means of thought.

I want to assure anyone that reads this that I'm good right now and in great spirits. I am extremely grateful to be alive and have the opportunity to even be out here on my own to pursue my education, career and dreams all at once. Just goes to show you how much I've grown since my High School days, I am no longer a quitter....but a believer.

When you notice the flaws you have make you stronger in the end, well...it's not as bad as you thought. :)

Peace and Kelp,

-Paulus Singletary

The Great Divide

I've been a bit of a break since my last blog post, getting everything together to finally have a place to stay in San Francisco and be prepared for my semester of school at the Academy of Art University here in the city. Everything would have seemed ideal in ways...except of course I've now had a change of heart. A change of heart that will put me about seven hours south of SF all the way into Southern California in the land known as "Hollywood", or simply Los Angeles.

Nothing wrong can be said about The City in my opinion, in fact, I intend on getting a home here after I've accomplished the very dreams I hope to achieve in L.A. There's just too much culture and fun not to find myself back in the SF Bay Area in the future. But now I have to change my direction and be right within the epicenter of the Entertainment Industry. So that "change of heart" that I mentioned earlier? More of a change of direction, and that direction is down south in this massive state of California.

I didn't even step foot into a classroom when I made this decision to pack up and head to SoCal. I will attend this semester to take advantage of all the resources that will available to me to learn everything I can and hone my craft. Met some very interesting people thus far and it's saddening that I won't be going forward in the same journey they're going through at the Academy. Perhaps I will stay in contact with them all because after school, there is the industry. Let's stay in contact for sure. Do work with one another in the future.

I believe success should be shared, but only with those who have the same desire and drive you possess within your mind and heart. So should I come across these folks again, card or no card, let's try and work together. I really want to just pan ahead to the summer now and find myself in Santa Monica, but of course time must run its course and in that sense, I must let my life do the same. Monday couldn't come soon enough, I want school to start and for other things to start as well. Have to stay disciplined, because although I'm in NorCal right now, I'm thinking and spiritually already in SoCal.

Take Two? Action.


Peace and Kelp,

-Paulus Singletary

The Journey of a Dreamer (Part X) *End*

I end this ten part mini series of sorts in a rather appropriately fitting fashion. I've had enough time being here in the city to understand that it took the idea of struggling mightily from the get go to appreciate what I had and to finally take initiative in my life. Mind you, I've never lived on my own before until two months ago, so when you literally leave everything you've ever known to go to something that's a bit cloudy and not knowing whether or not you'll succeed is a daunting task. Along the way, I've met countless new faces and characters and it's become a staple of my growth. I've been more and more comfortable with the city as time passed, and I'm that much closer to feeling like a San Franciscan.

It's just a sheer delight to wake up in the morning, go outside, take a walk up the steepest street and have arguably one of the best views you could ever have right there in front of you. And to think that I've been trying to have this view every day for seven years now. Seven LONG years, but it happened. When you're from Florida like I am, you tend to appreciate these moments a lot more when all you normally found yourself surrounded by was flat land and woods spanning beyond the horizon. A change of scenery does a lot to someone's psyche, so me coming out here to a different type of geography is refreshing.

The best part of all of this really is my parents. I've given so much appreciation out there to those that have been a tremendous support in this new chapter in my life, but at some point I need to give my parents their due. At one point, they thought that this idea of moving to California to pursue my dreams of becoming a film director was a crazy one, especially my Dad. He had worked in the film industry and understood the rigors and hardships that can be involved. At different times after he had told me that, I certainly had second thoughts on whether or not I could actually do it and pursue directing. And when you add in all the the mistakes I had accumulated in school which was, at the time, a reflection of my work ethic, my Mom wasn't too sure I could make this happen because if I could BARELY graduate High School and not finish college and drop out, what makes me think I could just move all the way across the country to become a director?

They were all legitimate concerns and looking back on it, I'm glad they brought all of that to my attention. Granted, I didn't always embrace what they had told me at the time because I was being extremely ignorant, I now appreciate it more than ever. If there was ever a time for me to grow up, this was certainly that time. So now here I am, in San Francisco, after four years of being lazy and ineffective and two years of a complete re-transformation of my life, and I proud to say that I am on the right track to be where I'd like to see myself going forward. It's exciting for me to see what the future holds, I'm creating it and I'm paving the way. From here on out, I determine everything that occurs in my life.

I want to finish by giving my parents their due:

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Mom and Dad,

Thank you for being the heart and soul of my existence. I know that at times I didn't represent you or the family the way that I should have, but I just want you to know that from this point forward, I will never quit on myself, my goals or my dreams. I will make you both extremely proud although you will tell me that you're already proud of me for doing what I'm doing right now. I will never quit on myself, my goals, or my dreams. I want to be able to one day give you two the vacation you always wanted, and to also be able to travel the world. I am a much better man because of the tough yet extremely warm love you had given me throughout my love and continue to do so today. I will never quit on myself, my goals, or my dreams. I will change the world in some way, shape or form and I will have no one else to thank but you two. I miss and love you both very much.

Love,

Poppy

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This journey ends here, reality now begins for me. But the reality is, this begins yet a new journey :)

Peace and Kelp,

-Paulus Singletary

The Journey of a Dreamer (Part XI)

Today's blog will be a bit short since it's more of a thank you note or appreciation statement. Within the past few weeks, I've received several text messages, phone calls, facebook messages and such with an overwhelming showing of support for what I'm doing here. It means a lot, it means a WHOLE lot. I cannot thank everyone enough for believing in me and supporting my dream, its moments like these that makes me proud I did what I did and continue to do so.

What I find very humbling more than anything else is the fact that several people that have reached out to me have brought up the notion me "being an inspiration". I mean.....wow. Me? An inspiration? I wouldn't say it's something I would have of myself as being. To be quite frank, I had previously believed the opposite and felt I was alone in this adventure to achieve my dreams. No one thinks I can do it......it's a tough business, you'll never get in Paul......California will eat you up and you'll find yourself back in Florida before you know it......I heard these things. They all hurt, but they became part of the collection of chips on my shoulder.

I became consumed with motivation, to prove everyone wrong but most importantly to prove myself wrong. I had fucked up in so many ways, from my elementary school days all the way up to two years ago. I started something but never went completely through with it. Or I would give up. That was the absolute worst looking back on it all. So two years ago, I promised myself that I would never give up on anything, ANYTHING. To go after everything I've wanted and make it happen. And that's what I'm doing now.

I'm utilizing this blog for two things: To show everyone that you can succeed from the ground up in an environment like San Francisco and thrive, and to give people hope and a belief that what they had once perceived as "impossible" is actually possible with hard work, persistence and a good laugh. Cause in the end, what's the point of living if you can't laugh at yourself or your mistakes? Mistakes come and go, a good laugh lasts forever.

So remember, If someone tells you "NO" to something you're wanting to accomplish, just ask yourself: Why not?

Belief is the main ingredient towards self-adventure. Stir accordingly, and let settle until ready to enjoy life.

Peace and Kelp,

-Paulus Singletary

The Journey of a Dreamer (Part VIII)

One of the biggest realities that I faced when moving to a big city like San Francisco (take the meaning of "big" for however you'd like lol) was the fact I was essentially starting over. No real building blocks, just my imagination to build and create the foundation that would allow me to thrive within this city. When you've lived with your parents all of your life, you don't really know where to start for the most part. You tend to generalize everything that was done living at home with mom and dad that once you're thrown to the wolves (not really), you have to manifest a survival instinct like no other.

Things that you took for granted: Free rent, free laundry, free food, free internet, free television, free sleeping, free breathing......poof --- it's gone. From this point on, YOU determine every outcome of your daily life. From spending money for breakfast/lunch/dinner, to praying rent for a room/studio/apartment, or wasting money on clubs/bars/TV (yes I include TV as a waste of money; Netflix, enough said.) You no longer wake up lazily with putting one foot down at a time onto the floor, or maintaining the grace of a zombie while walking to the nearest washroom. Now comes the days of waking up frantically with both feet firmly planted onto the floor after a sudden bang of the alarm clock, and "power-walking" to the bathroom to inevitably shave yourself to something akin to a butcher cutting meat. 

I mean everything changes about your daily life, from your way of living to your thinking process. It's certainly been overwhelming at times for me, but I've been unwavering in my main goal to get a permanent place within the city. It's the idea that countless others have tried and succeeded (or failed) at. Luckily I didn't have to spend any money writing this blog today, due in part to the lovely free wifi,  courtesy of your local San Francisco café! [Side Note: Nearly all cafés in SF have free wifi, cool beans] It's a fun experience taking it all in with all that's happened these past two months and it's relieving to know that soon enough, I'll find myself in a place to call my own.

A place where I paid for rent, paid for my food, paid for my internet, paid for my permanent place as an official city resident. I like the sound of that...

In arguably the most expensive city in the United States, it's all worth it to live in this urban paradise. 

Peace and Kelp,

-Paulus Singletary

The Journey of a Dreamer (Part VII)

Apple. iPhone. Macbook. iPod Touch.

They're somewhat interpreted by me as a sticker for all of the world to scratch and sniff when they think about San Francisco. If you didn't know this already, Apple Inc., whose works include the highly successful line of iPhones, MacBooks and iMacs, their company is based in Cupertino, CA. That's about a 45 minute drive from where I'm at currently.

Coolbeans.

So you're telling me that I can just grab a car, take a drive in through the valley and find himself at Apple Headquarters? With all the techies and their products? And roaming around campus on a segway to see the newest line of products that everyone is clamoring over for months at a time? Hmmm, sounds to me that they have a problem on their hands. I mean, I could easily just walk in, say hello, tell them my reasons for being there and somehow.....I'm in?

Coolbeans.

Now I've diverted slightly from what I'm talking about so I'll get back on point. My point is, in this city alone, there are more iPhones in the city of San Francisco than there are cars. Yes that's right, CARS. I would say 1 in 3 people here have an iPhone. And then I'd say 1 in 5 people have a Macbook of some sort (White Original, Air or Pro). I'm pretty happy to say that I'm one of those people for both things. I mean they provide such a convenience for what I'm trying to do here in the city, whether it be for school or for my production company I'm currently starting up.

Coolbeans.

I'm really just scratching the surface when it comes to the tech industry not just in The City, but the Bay Area as a whole. Reddit, Airbnb, Yelp, CouchSurfing, FACEBOOK.... TWITTER....GOOGLE?!? They've left an imprint on the culture within the city. If you came to this city to become a programmer of some sort, you honestly could have so many opportunities that you won't know what to do with. I guess in that sense, that's why I've gone ahead myself and started learning about coding and programming to benefit myself in the long run for my production company as well as possibly working for one of the aforementioned companies I've listed.

Coolbeans.

So in the end, it's not so bad to be in a city where I could find myself seeing Larry Page walking his dog down the street, Mark Zuckerberg drinking coffee in a local café, or Jack Dorsey taking pictures of some random spot in the city for Twitter. That's the beauty of this city, everyone is their own person, no matter how wealthy or not wealthy you are. It's an opportunistic place despite what some may say, it really comes down to being positive, persistent and aggressive. Those types of things don't just come to you overnight, you have to work for it, just like anything else in life really. That's what gives me hope for the coming days because I don't look that far ahead....well except one thing ;)

I guess I'll go Google Search one of my Twitter feeds that includes a Facebook status of mine..on my iPhone.

Coolbeans.

Peace and Kelp.

-Paulus Singletary

The Journey of a Dreamer (Part VI)

A rather interesting subject to talk about today is Desperation. It's that very word that makes me cringe at the sight of it.

I encountered a little bit of that myself a couple of days ago, when during New Year's Eve into New Year's Day, I had the biggest reality check of my life....a surreal experience that I will never forget. So I've been staying between two hostels for the past two months since I've moved into the city. Always had a bed for me while I was working my jobs and what not. Just so happened that on New Year's Eve, they didn't have a space for me to stay since all the foreign travelers had come into the city to celebrate the new year.

Surely enough, all of my options were depleted and I had but only one choice: I was relegated to sleeping on the streets of San Francisco for the evening. Let me tell you something: Even if for a night, my perspective on everything has changed forever due to the time I spent sleeping on the side of the street, right by an alley with my luggage bag and backpack next to me. I slept with my jacket on, wore a knit cap and then I wore gloves for good measure. Hardest night of sleep I've ever endured.

I think my worry was that someone was going to steal my things, or someone may perhaps shoot me or stab me and leave me there to bleed to death. I'm not exaggerating by any means, the dangers were indeed there and it was quite a risk to endure due to the circumstances. I met a man who was not too far from me, sleeping as well under several blankets. He was a kind man and was comforting in his words he gave me as far as his experiences despite the very circumstances he found himself in as well, mind you he's been going through it much longer than I have by a considerable margin. He was laid off from his job several years ago, with his wife leaving him after alcoholism consumed him. He didn't have any children but the love he had for the woman that all of a sudden showed him the door was quite evident.

He was in a dark place when the alcohol starting pouring in he says, and as a result, he lost all sight of humanity. In ways it was very tragic for me to hear that but alas, he was quite grateful for where he was  at that very moment. I asked him "Why?" And he calmly said, "You know, you just realize at some point that the moment you begin to be complacent you start to lose what you wanted in life. That's what was happening....I was losing myself, and eventually I lost the love of my life." He later told me that the whole experience gave him a new lease on life --- essentially.

He's doing a lot better now than he had a few years ago when he started out homeless: He has a new job and is transitioning into getting a cheap studio in the Tenderloin neighborhood. By the end of his pay period, he'll have money to get a room in a hostel for the time being until he can get the studio. I was very happy for the man and elated that he was certainly turning his life around. I mean, I know my experience is but a small blip in the radar, but it definitely spoke volumes to me about the adventure I've been going through, living on my own and and attempting to get a place for myself to finally settle in.

When you're in those moments of desperation, you will end up finding a new direction, and a new hope in what you want to do with your life. So my moment of desperation taught me this: To be grateful for the days I have ahead of me and to know that I will be one step closer to fulfilling all of my dreams.

To live the dream is to fight through reality.

Peace and Kelp.

-Paulus Singletary